Tried to import posts from blogger to livejournal but failed miserably. Read through my old blog, bringing back all the memories. I have no idea why I even did that. Those bad memories were so painful to reminisce. Although I have to admit I really missed secondary school life, and the people I met there and forged such close bonds with. There were some things not worth remembering at all and now I just feel sad all over again.

We had a mini meet-up on Saturday with Mingfong, Changjie, Renhao, Amelia, Lydia, Gale and Kaiting for Benjamin's 18th. Got him a set of Sumajin red/black headphones, a SNSD mug and CN Blue playing cards.

People, tune in to hellokpop radio for the latest kpop tracks. It's kinda awesome.

Going to the airport afterwards. Not sure whether I would have to work today. Their organisation is not very organised.

Okay so my vacation is going to be spent like that. Almost zero interactions and social networking in play. I am sure I am going to die of boredom one day.

This reminds me of what happened two days ago. My mum said that her throat was hurting badly and wanted to go to the clinic the next day. Then she unexpectedly asked me how would it be if she left us? Would it be better if there was nobody to nag at me or scold me anymore? I wouldn't even want to think about this. The mere thought is already able to bring tears to my eyes. Who said we do not cry? We have feelings too. And I love my parents so much that I can't bear to even think about it.

Found a holiday job working at CC(Changi Airport). Heard that it is quite a slack job, just need to direct passengers to taxi queue. For this holidays, I will probably be doing full shifts, 3pm-12mn. Pay is about $6/hr. But what's there to complain for part-timers, having gone for two days paid training and food provided. There is also freedom of choice when choosing shifts. Taxi transport after midnight. Maximum working hours: 35 hrs per week. Once semester 2.1 begins, I will probably be doing weekends. The perks: No bond. 2 week notice upon resignation of job.

I find girls that curse a major turn-off. Please do not do that. It ruins your image.

Milestone:
I have reached 50 posts.
And I have over 1,000 views to date.

Today was the release of my semester 1.2 results. I was super nervous prior to today and dreamt countless times on the pathetic state of my results but contrary to those "self-beliefs". Here are my results:

 
Compared to last semester:

Warning: A bunch of nonsense ahead.
I am happy to say that I have improved my GPA from 2.08 to 3.43 this semester. Although it may not be excellent yet, I believe that it goes a long-way to improve my cumulative GPA, from 2.08 to 2.65 currently. I don't wish for much, but to continue this state of working hard and getting the results well-deserved. You know that old saying: "You reap what you sow", or whatever it's called. Success comes with hard work, as we all know, but it's not through sheer true grit(not referring to the movie lah), but being able to study smart and manage your time wisely.

Sometimes we come across people who screw us up, or upside-down. These people are the ones out to get us, intent on breaking us up, and pulling us down.(Obsession with directions..)

Particularly people who are racist, sexist, sizeist(is there such a word?) or just having a particular take on someone else.

Okay I should just get to the point: Never ever let ONE person/thing drag you down. Your life is yours. Control it. We often come across people who affect us negatively, and I am sure the effect is just as great. But above all, we handle our own lives. Ourselves.

Just a quick update:

I need a job.
And I am sick.

I think it's time to admit. I am afraid of loneliness. The sheer fear of being left alone scares me. That's the reason why I hate sitting in corners, or just being left alone. It is scary to feel like you're all by yourself. I know it's ironic, given my reclused self, but it's true. Feeling lonely is not new, but it's starting to kill me slowly inside. Once we get separated next semester, I am sure I will start to feel this way even more.

Patience is a virtue. Everyone knows that. But when I am forced to the ends of my tethers, you know that my patience has worn thin. Never in my life have I ever been frustrated like that. The fact that it made me irritated to that extent in the first place explains everything. I won't bring myself to your level anymore. Call me ungentlemanly or whatever you want. I don't care anymore. Why in the world do I have to face such a person? I will not even call you slow or retarded anymore. I will bear it for the next few weeks. After that, I hope I won't have to face such a person ever again. People around me will know that I am not one to lose my cool, and it takes effort to put me in a bad mood, let alone boil. What does that mean now? That I have reached a whole new dimension in life? No. There are two options: Either someone has really crossed the line, or that my patience level has declined. From now on, I shall revert back to the ways of pretence, which I had in the past, used to avoid others. And unfortunately, I have to wield the weapon of uncertainty again, to get away from this madness that should not even concern me from the beginning. This shall be my armour to protect and the shell to hide in for the time being. Forgive me if I appear cold. And there's no promise this time that I will return. Peace.

It's been 4 days. My back is still hurting like mad. Moral of the story: Never sleep uncomfortably or you will regret it for at least a week. Okay so the time we have all been waiting for is here- holidays. But all these anticipation leads up to nothing. No one is planning anything, no one doing anything. I am sure many of you out there are either stoning at home watching dramas, or spamming the refresh button on Facebook and Twitter. That's how no-life we all are. That's why I have decided to do something useful these holidays: work! I have tried sushi tei, but they require me to commit at least 4 days a week even after school begins, which is madness. Therefore, I am going for an interview each for the next two days. Although I have no idea what to expect, I think I have to do something. No pain no gain, isn't it? Wish me luck! Hope to earn spare cash so as not to be so hard-up when all the "events" suddenly come at the same time. Speaking of which, 同人有不同命. Anyway, I have decided to move on and not dwell on this any longer. And I guess not saying would be a better solution.

These past three days swept by like a "tornado", like how Chingyi described it, Pidgey's attack. That, and many other small details made the past two days probably the best moments of 2011. Tuesday was the last paper, Organisational Behaviour. Our feelings for that paper will be one of anxiety, yet excitement, considering that it was the last of our two papers. Wednesday was CHALET DAY! Like finally, the day that all of 1H08 were anticipating had come! Or what I would describe as Valence of Outcome in OB, the anticipation of a reward as compared to effort put in. And I am sure we all value this reward, don't we? The morning was spent at Ain's to purchase groceries, pack rice and lunch. Cheryl's dad fetched us to the place. This time, our chalet was at National Service Resort & Country Club. We were filled with awe at the splendour of the bungalow. It was two storeys tall with a kitchen, living room and two bedrooms. Pictures will be up as soon as someone posts them on facebook. Yes I am just too lazy to take my own pictures.


HONOUR ROLL:
Cheryl was in-charge of overall booking & planning. Most stressful job for our Type A personality girl. Her provided us transport and also to ferry the stuff around, and also provided food. Send regards to your parents for us. Ain was the best treasurer we could ever have had. Although many of us may feel "sian", having her to chase us for payment every now and then, we must know that if no one does this dirty job,  no one will. She was also main provider of food, thanks to Ain's mum for that! Jeremy brought his wii that provided much entertainment to all of us. And I must admit my hand-eye coordination in Band Hero was really poor. Because I play the guitar like a piano.
Everyone of us for being there. I am sure that all of these would not have gone well if we did not make the effort to be present, probably in the very last formal meeting as a class.

Okay I admit I haven't been updating for awhile. Was certainly busy these past days, presentations over at last. Yesterday was the very last time we would wear formal attire as a class. Here's a sneak peek of how the suave guys in my class look like:

Handsome right? Hahaha:)

Had my interview role-play today. And I think it went pretty fine. And there was drama outside the room again. First it was a HUGE wasp scaring the wits of everyone, then this:

Guess who was wearing high-heels?

OMG that's totally gay.

Contemplated on a decision for a super duper long time. And I am sure you can guess what it was about. Yes, it's about my long-overdue haircut. And I have made up my mind to have it done tomorrow, since I have no lessons. Hope it won't be too bad. Maybe it would turn out like this:

I hope this won't happen tomorrow:(

Visited my old neighbour for cny after one year. Time seems to pass so fast I didn't realize it at all. I really miss the times when I was little, and would visit their house whenever I was free. Miss my childhood times really much. *Nostalgia setting in* Her grand-daughter gifted me two posters:

This is from the Internet but I have the exact same poster.

I can't find it on Google so I used my webcam:)

And most importantly, I forgot to mention that I changed my phone to a Blackberry Curve 9300!

Totally awesome isn't it?

And I took it on $0 rent from M1. Which means I must return it after 20 months. Sounds unbelievable? Yes, I only pay the monthly subscription fee on my plan. Yes, a mobile phone plan, like finally? After a tenure of 74 months, which is 6 years and 2 months!

Yeah my balance was $0.02.

Okay today shall be just me and my laptop through the night again.

Finished Japanese role play yesterday. It was a complete disaster. Don't even want to think about it anymore. Well if I can get B, I will be super happy already. Pray for me okay? Today I was a blind bat. I went to school without my lenses. And the vain people we all are, I decided not to wear my spectacles and brave potential danger by walking to school with blurred vision. It was not that difficult actually. Anyway, this is my schedule to freedom:

Commsk2 Summative Test              Friday,    11 Feb, 9am
BCS End of Semester Test             Friday,     11 Feb, 6pm
BCS Presentation                           Monday,  14 Feb, 12pm
Commsk2 Interview Role Play        Tuesday,  15 Feb, 5.30pm
GTT Test 2( Topic 6-10)                Thursday, 17 Feb, 9am
Microecons End of Semester Test   Friday,     25 Feb
OB End of Semester Test               Tuesday,    1 Mar




Second class chalet planned on 2 March at Tanah Merah Country Club. I am sure it will be much more fun than the last one. Time to watch Running Man.

It's already the third day of CNY. Red packet collections to date: about $200. Economy is so upbeat, why is the money we get getting lesser every year?

These pictures were taken at Gale's House, which we went yesterday. Album appropriately named: "CHEAPSKATES WHO WANTED TO COLLECT ANGBAO FROM MY PARENTS! HAPPY CNY!:D" Half-true to be exact. It was the day we were supposed to hold a farewell dinner for The HK kid, Larry, who will not be returning in a year.

 Hidden Talent. I so wanna learn. But I suck at it totally.

 Taken while I was glaring at Wesley.

 Larry's OMG zombie-fied EPIC face!

 We will definitely miss these fun times.

 Gale said Larry spoilt the picture. Which is true :p

 Spot my leg at the bottom right?

 Act like a cool only..

 Supposed to act fierce but wesley gave it all away.

 For once, I must admit wesley looks cute. LOL!

It's time for "Spot Raymond" in this picture.

Went to watch this at Century with Gale and Wesley at 11.25pm.

Wesley was literally laughing the whole time.
Movie ended at 1.25pm. No more last bus:(

Gale's parents sent me and Wesley back.

Went for project in school today.
Mahjong at Daniel's house right after.

I was the biggest winner!
With net earnings of $0.80.
These past few days have been eventful.
I hope for things to stay this way.
Happy lunar new year to all!

Happy Lunar New Year!

This lunar new year only means one thing. Exams and project submissions are coming. And we will all go separate ways from then on. Thinking about it makes me sad. I shall stop here. Wait till I get more red packets, happy already then continue:D No lah, I can't wait to watch Dream High Ep8 already lah.

3 C.N Blue Songs Played consecutively on shuffle:
- I Don't Know Why
- High Fly
- Lie

Yesterday was one of the most exciting and happening presentation-cum-role play I have ever participated in. It was totally a roller-coaster ride because the four of us only rehearsed the script on the morning of the presentation with all group members present. During the presentation, there were supposed to be power struggles and conflicts, even disregarding of the tutor planned. However, we were not that bold. As one of the few times we have done presentations as a class, I must say I enjoyed myself thoroughly this time. "Photo-spam" below. There are only 7 pictures. I am lazy to upload the rest. You can go to Facebook to see if you want. And that will mean you are a stalker! Just kidding. We were having so much fun outside the CMSK room taking pictures and posing here and there. What was really disheartening is that we may never get to spend so much time with our beloved classmates anymore, as we will be in different classes starting in 1.2.
After the presentation, I attended Japanese lecture, where I did a kind deed. I lent a pen to a stranger. How noble of me! Hahaha thick-skinned boy. After that we went for BCS lecture and endured a lecture where the lecturer was deemed by me unfit to teach. She coughed until I can't help but feel sorry for her, and her determination to see the lesson through.I was supposed to go for OB lecture to copy notes after that, but my "evil" classmates dissuaded me from going. That meant I played truant! Not the first time also. We went to Tampines to eat Texas Chicken and talk crap there. Then Daniel, Yiin Shin, Sherri and me watched The Green Hornet". Hilarious how the Green Hornet himself had wanted to call himself The Green Bee at first. Sherri was blocked by the person in front at the start, so I teased her(not the first time also) asking why she didn't want to play basketball last time. After the movie ended, it was around 9pm. So Daniel and me decided to go shopping. Saw Kaiting at Etude(Called Attitude) House by many. As expected, many of the shops were on the verge of closing. Closing for the day, not closing permanently. So also as expected, I did not manage to buy anything AGAIN! Went home for egg prata and mutton curry at 11pm. I should really cut down on this unhealthy regime of mine soon or I am so gonna regret it in future.
Here I am in front of the computer screen. Waiting to go shopping with Mingfong, Wesley and Larry at 2pm at Orchard. And I have a premonition that I may return home empty handed again. Girls, stop complaining that there's nothing out there to buy. Feel for the guys, we are worse-off. I must admit that the fashion trends out there are outrageous sometimes. For males, we can only wear t-shirts, polo tees, or simply shirts. There are so little choices, given the humid weather of Singapore. And when I, who dress simply for any occasion, says this, it means that the situation is really bad. Designers out there, do your job! Stop doing ridiculous and fugly designs! No one, absolutely no one will buy them!
Mini photo spam ahead.

What the hell? What's with random people posting on my chatbox? I deleted them already thank goodness:D Today is a happy day. Because I intended to cut my hair right from morning. But after much pondering and "surveys", I decided not to because mum says it's not really long also. How I wish to have long wavy hair like idols, but everyone knows it's not possible. And after much thinking, I really think everything's fair in this world. I am not going to go on and talk about stuff like "only if you work hard, then you will see results blah blah zzz".

WARNING! The following content may be offensive to some.

I have heard so many stories about rich people with so much freedom, time and money that that they become the envy of so many others. However, what lies beneath stays a mystery. Many of these people I know, they lead a really sad life. They seldom see their parents, and are mostly faced with a maid, and just money their parents leave for them. I mean, it is good to be independent, but if someone grows up without the love of their family, they will forget the meaning of home, and how a family actually feels like. In future, they will even forget filial piety, and treat their parents like dirt. Families like these will eventually drift further apart, and end up broken. My main point, treasure your family as you would to a loved one.

Another point, not everyone can be blessed with everything. For example, even if you have the looks, you may not be adorned with the height, hair, figure, intelligence, or even a family. I can even take TY as an example. She may have it all, singing ability, beauty, charisma and leadership. But she is not perfect because she does not have her ideal height. This does not put her down as she takes it in her stride. And this is what makes her so attractive. People who have it all are rarely seen. What you have, treasure them. And for what you don't, stop thinking about it. What you may not have may be seen as a bane to you, but may be viewed as a blessing by others.

We can all be fine in our own right, we just need the perfect person to come along to see it.

 And that will be all we can ask for.

Been using the laptop for the past 6 hours. Breakfast was McChicken burger. Lunch was this:

It says "Hot Taste"! But as we all know, the spiciest koreans can get is kimchi. Their spicy myungtang is only regarded as red-coloured hot water by my mum. LOL.

I can be the best _____ you ever had, or the worst _____ you ever met.

TP Open House for the past three days. It was super uber tiring and boring. An usher's job? To lead visitors from business concourse to LT19. For those of you that know the school even a little, you will know that it's a straight path. So if I don't see the value of a task, I won't put my soul into it. And that's why I find it totally a waste of time and effort. And if people keep on ordering me around, I find that irritating. So what if you are main-com people? So what if you're in-charge? We are not in this to serve. We are here to volunteer! Get this straight. What we do and how we do is up to us. Not to your expectations. Threats like we will get it if we mia or don't do our job well totally irks me. We are totally in this for those miserable SEAL points. You really expect us to be wasting our precious moments to stand there and cheer all out? Dream on.

Just weeks ago, I was telling my mum not to nag at me to buy my Chinese New Year clothes and stuff. I kept telling her that there's no rush, it's still 2 months away! But upon knowing the fact that it's in 3 weeks time, it's time to panic. LOL.

Projects are killing me so slowly.
Assignments are such a torture.
Lectures are boring me to death.
Who in the world invented school?
But it is a transition to adulthood I guess.
We need that cert!
But do we realize that we have forgotten almost 80% of what we have learnt last semester?
What makes us think we would be able to remember five years later?(The guys have NS mind you)
So we are effectively studying for nothing at the moment.
I don't get it now. And never will.
Education is just a place for teenagers to spend 10+ years doing something "constructive", rather than wrecking the streets out there.
Studies have shown that 80% of people do not find a job related to their field of study!
Well here we are, fulfilling that mandate of "heaven", and to get that goddamn cert, when nothing really constructive comes from education.
Albeit the people skills we learn.
And I don't credit education for that.

It was a mundane Christmas. But an unforgettable one at least. A stay-over was totally da bomb! But sadly, I am sick. Real sick. With a runny nose comparable to the Niagara Falls. What an exaggeration! I always fall sick during major festivities. Like last CNY. And of course, this Christmas. I lost the world for 17 hours and slept since 4pm last night till 9am this morning. And totally forgot about my project meeting. Speaking about projects, it's killing me. Well, of course,it's killing everyone. So no complaining from me there. Here I am cooped up in this place called the bedroom. Like a pig. Just that I am abstaining from food for the time being(except for Mcspicy double in the afternoon). School's reopening. And I am not the only one not looking forward to it, I'm sure.

Sometimes when people ask me why I am so emo, I laugh it off and say nothing's wrong. Because even I myself have no idea what's wrong.It may be fatigue. It may just be a wave of sadness that happens for no reason. Call it PMS or whatever, there's no explanation for it. Mood swings, not that either. I ain't high one moment and angry the next. It's just an indescribable feeling that something's gonna happen but I just don't know what. However, an emo world is not that bad after all. It gives you the opportunity to shut that trap and listen for once, what others have to say. And I have to admit it gets interesting sometimes.

I feel that I am losing my principles.

My mantra in the past was to be punctual for any event, however unimportant it may be. But it seems like I have been frequently late nowadays. Is it because of the mindset that I know others will be late and therefore I become late on purpose too? It's wrong to blame things on others, but it seems that this is the reason why. I had a friend who was always late, no matter when we meet, or where we meet. Once, I even had to wait 3 hours at Great World City just for him to arrive, and he scolds me when I am just 15 minutes late on other occasions. It is this lack of responsibility in others that makes me harbor such angst in me. But the kind person I know I am, I keep things entirely to myself. And it has worked so far.

Nowadays, I become worked up very easily too. I have always had a great deal of patience in the past, but I get irritated easily now. I even burst out at my mum yesterday when she was just reminding me about something. I guess I just hate people nagging. Sorry about that mum. And dad too, when he's slow at apprehending things, my patience level just drops to negative and I have the urge to scold him. I know that's so wrong of me but I really can't help it.

Forgive my rashness and immaturity. I will try to be a better person from now on.

Current Mood: Worried :(
Current Song: I Hate You- 2PM

It's a Happy 18th Birthday to our dear Stephanie!!
And a 2-day belated 17th to dearest Gale!!

I ain't gonna switch to lj.
Cos it doesn't allow me to retain this blog url.
It says that the username is restricted :<
I shall publish today's posts in one-sentences.
I am slacking around at the moment.
Today shall be a productive day of studying.I hope.
MSTs on Monday, through to Tuesday.
So many papers we have, don't we?
A freaking ..................2 papers!
oh.my.gawd.what.the.fish so many?

One-sentencing ends here.So does this post.

Current song: Aing- Orange Caramel

Absolutely didn't realize that it is already December. Time passed real fast. Soon it will be the mid-semester tests, then end-semester tests, and we will have to split classes. After a year of bonding. Argh no mood to blog anymore, thinking of the piling schoolwork, projects and upcoming tests. Off to cut articles for microeconomics. Thanks classmates for your 4-month belated birthday present.

People often say that a person without friends is a loner and we all cannot live without friends. However, I suddenly have this urge to leave everything behind and sit at the beach all by myself. Wouldn't it be nice to be free from all worries in the world and just enjoy life as it is? When I reached home, I stood at the pinnacle of the block, absorbing the magnificent sights of the surrounding neighborhood. It suddenly dawned on me that I had never stopped even once to marvel at the beauty of the clear skies in my 8 years living here. The world is not as simple as it may seem. Once we get born into this world, everything had been predestined. There's no escaping this fact. Even if we end our lives. Because, even that would have been predicted. So since there's nothing we can do to change the world, we should first do something to change ourselves. And it starts right now. Planned itinerary as follows:

Saturday: Study OB
Sunday: Study Microeconomics, ask brother if in doubt.

And that's it for this weekend. Which means the start of the 6th week of school. There's really nothing to look forward in school anymore. With school being boring, there's actually much drama out there. If we care to listen, we can actually keep ourselves entertained.

Current Song On Repeat: "Lightless"- B2ST

Went over to Steph's house to play with her three kids in the afternoon. For your information, I skipped jap and bcs lecture. Feeling rather guilty:(  Felt really sick, so declined Larry's offer to go drinking at night. And I don't really drink. But to clarify things, I have never been drunk okay!! Hahaha its time for some korean variety now!!

Note to self: Mnet Music Awards on Sunday at 8PM(Part1) & 11PM(Part 2)

Warning: Boring blogpost ahead. Hahaha yesterday was SCMS last day. And also the most tiring one. But overall was fun lah. I skipped microecons lecture today because if not, I will only be attending 2hr lesson. So I decided to go for tmr's lec at 11-1pm. Japanese presentation tomorrow. But I rehearsed 3 times le. Should be okay ba. Woke up at 9am to do homework. I am so hardworking lor. As if. Friday is summative test + BCS project draft. Gonna meet up with classmates to watch HP7 later. Just finished 4packets of "Big Sheet" seaweed. I am healthy boy.

Friday was CCN Day. And I must say, it was a real class effort. I applaud everyone who gave their all to ensure the success of that event. The story-people, logistics, props, make-up, costume etc. The fact that we managed to raise $200 after canceling out the cost was no mean feat by itself. And I am sure we all had fun. The preparations especially, with us staying in school till 12MN to ensure the preparations were on track. Really, all is much appreciated. People even mentioned that the place was like my home, with me walking barefoot and sliding here and there. I can't help it cos the floor was real powdery. Mr Chew "summoned" pizza for us and I am sure we are grateful for that weren't we? Pictures are up on facebook so I shan't-photo spam. I am lazy lah, get it? I apologize for leaving halfway when clean-up was to be done. I know it may seem selfish for me to leave when there was work to do but I had to start up the fire for our super-rare class gathering cum barbeque so forgive me my friends. I met up with the gang at The Tanamera condo to prepare the things. It was real fun that day I can say. Although my legs were super tired from standing all day. The guys went over to haikal's birthday at DE but I didn't go cos I was too tired.

Saturday was Standard Chartered Marathon Singapore Race Entry Pack Collection(SCMSREPC) duty. Hahahaha quite a mouthful wasn't it? It was real cool! We have to take race pack, take bib, take shirt, give runner. But in the end was quite fun. We received a $20 NETS Flashpay card as "allowance", a small tub of ben&jerry's ice cream and a super oversized XXL ASICS t-shirt. Going for duty later also. Gotta start on my homework soon. Will try to update if I have the time :)

 

Manhattan Portage Vinyl DJ Bag (1428-VL)

Spent the last half an hour "researching" on this bag from Manhattan Portage. It is just totally cool in BLACK!!! Gotta start saving money if I want to buy it because it costs $129!! How to save enough for a pool table by Christmas like that? OMFG!!!

-Comment added on 12/12. Decision changed. For the better, because I SAVE MONEY!!!!! :D

I really really really hate gory movies. Horror anytime but no gore please. When my class mates were watching  SAW III just now, I could not take it anymore, only 5 minutes into the movie. I mean like, the storyline may be fantastic, but I can't bring myself to see what these actors may be "experiencing". It may be acting, but I can't help but wonder what if it is real. The first scene: A man breaks his own ankle. Apart. Before sawing it off. To escape from shackles and go free. He may have sinned, but taking justice into your own hands makes you far more guilty than he ever was. If you were to turn him in, rather than torture him mercilessly, I would then say that you have upheld justice. This, is plain evil. Forcing someone to determine his own state, be it physically or mentally, is pure cruelty. What's more, you expect him to dismember himself for you to gloat at him? When your true intention is to make him suffer? I really abhor such a mindset. And whatever it is, everybody deserves a second chance. As long as he is willing to repent.

2AM "You wouldn't Answer My Calls" MV

I cut my hair today. Was sick and tired of people telling me my hair was like a "helmet"?! Can protect head mah hahaha!!. So I cut it real short. The reason why I hate to cut my hair is because I hate seeing my hair a different way as it was for the past 3months. It takes some getting used to. Oh whatever. Just watched this short video (http://www.twitvid.com/W17BZ) on SNSD & SuJu. Random stuff I know.
The unpredictable weather is really annoying nowadays. One day, the scorching sun makes me perspire profusely and the next day it pours heavily. Twice today already in fact. Why can't we have winter season? Or a similar climate to Genting Highlands. Don't get me wrong. I want the coolness of the temperature, not the haziness of the floating clouds. That we have Indonesia to credit. Have you ever heard such an absurd thing? We are paying them to stop burning their own forests. What a joke. Shouldn't they be compensating us for posing such a health hazard to its neighbours?

A blog refers to a personal diary to record and rant whatever you feel, however you like. If people read my posts and feel angsty after that, I clarify that it was never my intention to do that. But if you take them with a pinch of salt, nothing will change. Don't ever be mad or harbour hate in your heart against me. I am trying my best to be as real as I can be. If I feel sad, this is the only avenue I can rant on. If I am angry, this is also the only place to vent it all. You can't expect me to pour my frustrations all out when I'm out there, because somebody's gonna get hurt real bad. And I have been bottling it all up all these while, any longer and I will explode. Seriously. For the past years, I have been changing blog addresses, changing blogs once and again. However,I have realized that the true essence of it all is the courage to face your inner feelings and take whatever life throws at you. This includes the different viewpoints others may have of you, or a certain way they feel of you. Therefore, I have decided that I will run no longer. Anything I write here may or may not be targeted at you. But trust me, any hate I have for a person disappears in mere minutes. Grudges are forgotten in an instant, so please forget things that may have happened in the past. Of course, I don't refer to past events anymore. They have been long forgotten in my memories. However, if you insist on bringing past issues up and hate me on those, there's nothing I can do. But all we need in this world is trust. With it, nothing is impossible. And I never mean to and hopefully, never want to hurt anyone, both psychologically and physically. As I slip back into the murky darkness of this entire guise, I regret that I have never been the best I can be, so please accept what I am for now. Till I am able to accept myself.

I had a dream. That Taeyeon was having a fansign at a random MRT station(wtf right?!). And I was the first person in queue. I could not stand properly, and just marveled at her awe-inspiring beauty. I managed to get her to sign my Taeyeon TMYW photocard!!:) I was absolutely thrilled that I could not wake up from this dream, or rather I don't want to. When I woke up, I sensed that it was all a dream, but could not help checking the photocard. Sadly, it was truly a dream.
Finally, the first visitor of this blog is born. Maybe others would have visited, but did not give a hoot to leave a comment.But if you found this blog, it means that you are a stalker who found the link on my facebook profile page. Hahaha, just kidding. Real appreciate the effort!:)
Hahaha was real surprised and honoured to hear that people thought I was featured in SNSD's "Hoot" MV because they thought Siwon's backview looked like me. Hahaha, not meaning to be thick-skinned lah, but let me revel in this joy for a short while can? Hearing so many depressing comments the past few days, this could be the one to brighten up my day. Don't put me down, will you?

I got Psychology as a CDS. Which means I can psycho people in future. Hahaha, meaning I can find a future job as a conman. School's starting in 2 days. Kpop night's tomorrow. Beloved Taeyeon, I won't be able to see you anytime soon. Doubt you even know of my existence. Kim Taeyeon jjang! Will always and forever support you.

Don't you find her totally adorable? She is my absolute dream/ideal, which I guess will never come true for me. And I can't even see her on the 23rd Oct cos of money concerns. My one and only chance...gone!!

I guess no one has even found this blog yet? School is starting in 12 days. What a bummer!! I had a dream. That I was frustrated at work and burst out at the people there, beating up some higher-up manager which I had not even seen before. And I got "fired". I find that amusing because I was hoping to find some other job with better working environment and of course, a better pay. How boring my holidays have been with me lazing around and not going out socializing at all. Everyone seems preoccupied with their lives. The world seems to travel at such a fast pace that I feel myself being left behind. All I really wish for is to get good-enough grades in poly and get out of school. I really hate studying. Well, who does? I can picture myself in the future. Which is a reenactment of what I am now: Seating on my bed, staring at a  computer screen and watching the world go by. How peaceful that life will be...

Just made my blog available on my Facebook profile page. But I guess no one will even make the effort to find it. Say "hi" on the cbox if you pass by. I would much appreciate anything. Rather than waiting aimlessly on one end, totally separated from the outside world. I am in my own world. Out there, and back here, its a different life altogether. Out there is all a mask, a facade. But back here, as the title suggests, the axiom(truth) can and will be revealed. As the days of loneliness go by, I can't help but wonder how much people can change. Even those that do not seem, they may in due time. Friends and foes are made countless times almost everyday. Love and hate are just parcels in life. Give and take. Not everything in life can be a bed of roses. Appreciate life as it is, or you may live to regret it, or die not being able to cherish it.

Don't you find it ironic? The education system is totally focused on money! For them it is, in this case. We pay for school fees when we don't even feel like going to school, for courses we take but are really forced to, school events which we don't actually give a damn for, and exams which we absolutely abhor. The last thing we actually need is to pay for appeals of our exam results, or what they call a review of the exam script. In secondary school and poly alike, we are paying $100+ for the examiners/markers to re-mark our papers. This is, to them, considered a contest of their dignity and trustworthiness. However, all we are asking is that we be allowed to "re-see" our exam scripts and discover errors in marking by ourselves. Along the way, we may even learn what we have done wrong. However, the current practice is that students are not even allowed to look at their scripts anymore, after having handed it in. Is this fair? Firstly, we would not even know if there were marking errors, or bias on the markers' part. And we are not even entitled to review our OWN scripts, instead we have to pay to do that. Doesn't that sound like a joke? For goodness sake, it's our own scripts and we have to pay? And it is no small sum by the way. Total mockery of the system nowadays. I should be the education minister one day. Don't forget to vote for me!

Are people able to access this blog by clicking on my profile? I guess so. But no one makes the effort to. I am very tired. But I can't get to sleep. I am actually working for the money. I really hate working. It's really tough. But I shall take it as a phase of life, and reap the rewards at the end. Go for it Raymond!!

Why do some people just have to act all emotional and sad on social networking sites? I find it quite an irony. Cause you are going on and on about how much of a loser or how "apathetic" you are, think again. Will an "emo" person really interact with his social circle in such a way? This is what I actually call a play for sympathy. You just want people to comfort you and say all those nice things so that you will feel better? I don't feel that's the case. You just want people to show you concern, out of nothing at all. That I feel, is totally cheap. No one wants to know how much of a loser you are. Cause we all already know.

What have I been doing to my life? Especially my poly life. Somehow I get the feeling that I have been letting go of opportunities and chances to improve my social life. All around, I see people tweeting and saying on facebook that they are having so much fun with their friends, yet what am I doing here? Cooped up at home, my only companion is my trusty laptop which I hope will not end up becoming "unworkable" like the desktop. If that happens, I really have no idea what I will do. My laptop has become my closest friend, the only avenue to the pathetic social life I have out there. Sometimes I wonder if my friends really treat me like a friend. Or am I just there to make up the numbers? Loneliness is soon becoming such an understatement. This feeling is horrible. But there's nothing I can do. But endlessly wait for that one person to understand. Just one.

Realm of loneliness day number: Uncountable.

Went to Novena today. It was boring. Three shopping malls. Zero entertainment. Except the food. The ddukbboki rice cakes or however you spell that at SeoulYummy at Square 2 was great. Or I should say exceptional. Man we bought kimchi and spiced anchovies. Good pairings with korean sticky rice. Now I am waiting for my mum to cook shredded chicken ramen. Salivating at the thought of it.

Coming to think of it. I just changed the "permissions" of this blog to "Everybody". Meaning everyone can read it. I just need someone caring enough to find out about this blog and ask if anything is wrong. But I highly doubt so. Because I did not include my name. So even if you read this blog, do leave a comment in the comment box. I would highly appreciate it.

Why am I even bottling everything up? I am not as hardy as everyone thinks I am. Sometimes I really feel like letting it all out. All along, I am having a mask on. Nobody ever asks or even gives a damn. No one knows me well enough. Absolutely no one. And I guess no one even cares to try. All I want is one true friend whom I can depend on. I once had. But what she did, I will never be able to forgive her totally. Whenever people see me sitting alone, they will never approach me to ask what is wrong. And that is painful. But I don't blame them.

Birthdays are another source of hurt. Whenever birthdays come about, I feel a sense of pain deep inside. When I see people receiving presents, deep down inside it really hurts. Call me materialistic all you want, but the truth is that I just want something usable to remember that day by. A birthday card is hardly portable. I may seem ungrateful of sorts but somehow it really feels like my birthday was somehow considered "cheap" and relatively unimportant. And believe me, it really hurts like crazy.

Time passed so fast but I didn't realise. School is already 4 months long gone. This feeling is indescribable. I have been getting weird dreams all this time. Dreams of sitting for a paper unprepared. Dreams of being suspended in between two worlds. No sense of belonging whatsoever. Life can be such a facade sometimes, full of emotions sometimes, but being dead silent at the same time. At this moment when I am supposed to be preparing for my 5 papers, I am stoning away. Sometimes I just ponder if the world would really end in 2012? Part of me hopes it will, but that's being so damn selfish and unthinkable. If the world really ends, what will be the feeling in the minds of people like me? Thoughts of regret and overflowing emotions I suppose. Cause we would have wasted almost all our lives away, forced into education, without the opportunity to utilize it. What does this mean? A lifetime of education, as in literally. But zero future. No chance of repaying our parents. No chance of carving out a career. Absolutely zero. Emotional thoughts? Not at all. Just deep thinking in progress. Why is this blog even locked in the first place? I can't remember. Is anyone even reading this? If you are, thank you so much. Cos you could be the only one. Missing links here and there. Memories of the past have rocked my mentality. I have no idea what I am actually writing. Someone said I have always done things on impulse. I can't help it but agree. At the same time, I can't change. Counting down to the supposed world destruction.

Farewell Lammy-san, the self-proclaimed travelling monkey!!
So sorry never go out much since you came back and in a flash,
you were gone like the wind. Have fun studying!!!
When you are returning again just inform us alright?
Now its back to the mundane poly life of projects and assignments again.
Whoever said poly was slack is a damn liar!!
Getting real sick of school now!!
2012 please come true.

Forced to lock this blog due to unforeseen circumstances of overexposure.
Be glad you get to read this crap.

That dreaded component is back. Public speaking. It has never been my forte! Write? Can. Speak? Can. Present? Err...Damn it! Counting down to presentation time: Less than 10 hours left. And although I have finished my scripting, I am not gonna read straight from it! Cos thats not presenting, that's recitation. Oh no! And speaking the truth, my heart was already popping out when I had to speak up in class. Seriously speaking, I think i have stage fright. I am afraid of meeting a mass audience, especially unintentionally grabbing everyone's attention. This brings me to my next point. I do not give up my seat on buses and MRTs mainly due to two reasons. Firstly, I think my legs have more fatigue than those old people. Seriously. Secondly, I do not want everyone to suddenly focus their attention on me! Its like unintentional attention grabbing! OMG! Just giving up my seat on public transport has even become an issue. Hahaha. What a joke. Ciao. Off to mug.

Group projects. Emphasize on the word "group". I HATE YOU FREELOADERS AND FUCKING SLACKERS!!! One member only turned up once throughout the entire project. And just yesterday, before the deadline today, she has the fucking mood to go have fun at USS!!! And just 1 hour before we submitted just now, she went MIA. Again! What the fuck are you thinking? Don't you have a fucking sense of responsibility? Other members may not have the heart to mark you down for peer evaluation. But trust me, I definitely have a cold heart of steel. A freeloader in one project is already too much to take. What about two others in another group project of 4 members? The stage deadline is this week. One member skipped the meeting due to CCA training. Can't you fucking think? So CCA is more important to you because you can just rely on us to finish up the work while you happily put your name on the report. How smart! So those dumb people like me will just quietly do the work and let you take the credit? No way! And another member has the cheek to tell me he has something urgent on and has to leave at 5pm. For your info, I stayed in the library till 9pm. And I really thought he had something on. Until I saw him sitting outside the library chatting with his friends. When we messaged him, he just ignored the message till 9pm, which is also the time the library closed. And his lame excuse? "Oh sorry, I didn't check my phone. Yeah?" I am speechless. No fucking sense of responsibility whatsoever. Be warned.

Why do i suddenly feel this urge to start blogging again? Because facebook, as we all know, is a social networking site. And that, I feel, is too public a thing. Therefore, upon telling everyone out there that I had closed down this blog, I "stealthily" start anew. Firstly, I feel that life is seriously unfair. I am sorry to start this new chapter in such a negative state but there is no point ranting if you are happy with your life, isn't it? What is friendship? Don't come bull-shitting to me that is is a relationship that can last forever...best friends forever...blah blah blah...boringgg.... to me, friendship is only true when nothing matters in your mind anymore. And for this, I do not mean going crazy, or committing suicide. What I really mean is that for those people out there who can claim to be your friends, and say that they have been done an injustice just because of minor events. I think they are really fucked up in their mind. Like you said, a game IS A GAME. What's fucking wrong with a little taunting here and there? That's what friends are for, isn't it. Teasing and laughing goes a long way in improving a relationship, if you take it the right way. If you end up misinterpreting my intentions, and get heated up over such things, I am sorry but I just have to say FUCK YOU!!! Ranting on your blog and silently praying that we will get to read the crap that you write? You are being such a loser. So what if your blog has more hits than mine? I DON"T CARE even if no one reads what I write. They may be crap to you, but if you get the underlying message, you must be a genius. So ranting is okay, is it? You cause people to all believe your innocence and make us out to be the baddies? Boo Hoo Hoo!! You just got fucked up by baddies? Cry to your mama, if that's what you want. That's how the Earth revolves you fucking loser. And don't expect sympathy from me, cause you don't fucking deserve it. Us getting out of your life is what you want. And fucking get out of it I will be glad to. No questions asked. Period.