"The mystery behind oneself is what makes them desirable."

This recurring thought flashes through my mind at times, so I guess it's best to address it. Many a times, we have been put down by our closest of friends, them saying how bad we are, as compared to others. For example, with the recent Korean fad spreading across the world, many of us have dedicated that special place in our heart to the idol that matches all that we hanker after, be it looks, personality or character. As compared to them, we mere mortals look and feel inferior, and any comparisons made with them is met with fierce denial or obvious teasing. Of course, it is how they are packaged and instructed to come across, the image they are supposed to portray to their fans. Definitely they appear "immortal", or I should say, the complete product. However, it's what lies beneath that mask they have been putting on all these while? Is it a completely different persona, or just a replication of the mask, better described as having no mask at all?

Dear Stalkers,

Life's so boring that there's nothing to blog about.

Yours Sincerely,
Victim of Stalking

Reached home at 3am and slept like a log till 2pm. Yesterday was "Take-measurements-for-five-minutes-money-instantly-fly-away" day. Met zhiqi on the bus to school and we continued our routine of waving, sitting next to each other and stoning/sleeping without talking much. Went to school to take measurements for my elective- Culinary Science next semester. Purchased a seemingly simple knife set which cost a whopping $100 when those items could be easily bought at Japan Home for peanuts. I think. Went to kfc opposite school with steph, yiinshin, sherri, zhiqi, darren and chuenheng. Went to computer lab next to print notes and do some minor stalking. Rushed home amidst the rain and set out immediately to meet shawn and chuenheng for last-minute ad-hoc work at My Humble House at the Esplanade. 

The duties there were like SSM all over again, plus much more. I love the uniform because it seriously made me feel like some gongfu master. Too bad I was unable to get any picture of it. Operations were rather fun but the pre and post routines were back-breakingly arduous. Imagine carrying 20-30 half-filled wine glasses on a tray almost half my height, or hoisting a S$30,000 deadweight couch here and there. After 11pm, many staff had returned home, leaving only 7 of us and some full-time staff to return the restaurant's layout to its original state. Aching all over but I must admit it has been one hell of an experience. We slogged till 2.30am this morning but they provided us the extra salary and cab fare so I must admit it was still do-able. And I emerged slightly richer.

Slept for 12 hours straight. Been long since I did that. #shiok Scrolling through twitter timeline, and it's filled with people's resolutions on starting to study and all. However, I just cannot get myself to start. Okay yesterday's "study" was not really studying. It was just copying of notes from laptop to paper. That does not count. This semester was meant for me to further pull up my gpa, but the past week's events had me thinking again. This is not the time to blame anyone. It is the opportune moment to spur myself to greater heights and ace the remaining papers. But somehow I just don't get the motivation. Why?

1. I don't get why we must study, been wondering about this since P1.
2. I am too easily distracted. The slightest sound will have me wavering.
3. No matter how much I study, everything is forgotten on examination day.
4. The pressure to replicate my brother's achievements on a lower scale.
5. I really really hate to study.

But I have no choice, no other option. 8 days to first paper, 12 days to last. Fighting!

Feeling very sentimental now. Missing the times we shared as 1H08, yet cherishing whatever 2H02 is going through now. Today was a rather fast-paced day. Started off with TTO lecture, which regretfully, was her last. All the best Ms Helwina, you are one of the most bimbo and lovable tutors around, and we will always remember you. Next was BESE lecture, which as usual, was boringggg. Talking about the success story of Steve Jobs and his massive ego. Quoted from Steve Jobs: "Since Microsoft just copies Apple, there wouldn't be those fancy and brilliant typesetting if there wasn't me." (rephrased) Mind blown.

After the lecture, 2H02 pondered for a very long time whether we should skip accounting tutorial. In the end, we did. Feeling deeply regretful and guilty because it was the last tutorial, and half the class took "annual leave". Sorry Ms Tang. Went over to support daniel at Sugarloaf. Felt extremely bloated after having one Indian set meal, one quiche and a cup of peach lychee Italian soda. After that, we slacked outside library for a while, disturbing wenyao's booth. Then, we proceeded over to steph's house for mahjong and to play with the super uber cute and mature-sounding xan. Shawn and eric then left for driving and their respective affairs which I don't remember. Became hungry and headed to mac. Darren and heng went back after eating. Sherri also left for work shortly after, leaving zhiqi, steph and me. Had an awesome talk with them, reminiscing about the old times and having a good laugh. However, we were also concerned about the straining relationship of our many classmates. Many conflicts have since ensued, and I really hope these will blow over soon. Please bury the hatchet because I really hope to experience the happier moments we shared in the past again.

Anyhow, really enjoyed the talk I had in macdonalds with them both.

And thank you zhiqi for talking to me on the bus. Although I didn't really know how to explain some things and say out in words, at least I have spoken my mind.

Friends come and go.
Cherish those that stay behind.

I am glad that everything has come to an end. From the very start, we never meant to push the blame to anyone. Let's take this as a lesson and move on. A lesson learnt is equivalent to experience gained. I hope there would be no hard feelings.

Filled With Angst

(Breathe in breathe out.)

Firstly, I must congratulate my team for making it this far on this journey we have undertaken. Over the course of 13 weeks, this arduous path had been filled with obstacles and unforgiving hurdles. It was not easy, and we could have given up. But we did not. I am thrilled to announce that we have reached a milestone in the aspect of "service". This hellish subject had been a bane to many of us, which include the early hours, the terribly mean and sarcastic service instructors and the many ounces of gel we used, not to mention the fatigue we experienced at the end of every day. Finally, it's over.

Back to topic. Why I had to include (Breathe in breathe out) at the start was so that I could keep my composure and not blow my top. On my way home, many thoughts were racing through my mind. The recurring thought was pure sympathy for my headwaiter ziying. An incident happened during operations, and it went something like this. In the morning, there were three types of potpies, namely vegetarian, chicken and curry chicken. The vegetarian one looks exactly like a normal meat-based potpie, except for the sesame seeds on its crust. However, due to the overwhelming demand, production started to falter and when the new batch of potpies were placed in the counter, the student chef did not mention a word to us about any change in the ingredients. Therefore, we went about our operations as per normal. However, a vegetarian guest complained about there being meat in the potpie. Finally ,we realized that the new batch did not even contain any vegetarian potpies. How were we to know that when the student chef did not even say anything?

Then came the hurricane after the storm. Apparently, this girl whom I shall call A was so enraged about her friend having eaten the meat potpie that she immediately asked to see the headwaiter. In plain view of the service instructor, she spewed vulgarities and derogatory remarks towards my poor headwaiter. I understand that we are the first line of service, which meant that any feedback would be directed at us first. However, A did not spare any thought for ziying's feelings and gave her a thorough dressing down. Not only that, her two sidekicks joined in. Three on one poor soul who was not to blame? I find that cowardly. Because:

1. My headwaiter had no idea of the situation until the complaint.
2. A was not even the victim!
3. A is also from HTM, couldn't she have understood our plight?
4. Why must she use vulgarities and make nasty remarks?
5. We have already apologised and offered to provide refund/exchange.
   What more could we have done?
6. She did not give my headwaiter the chance to understand the situation.

One thing I am unsure of is whether she had acted this way based on the nationality of my headwaiter. I understand that she is a foreigner, and the language she speaks may not be perfect. But what right do you have to speak to her like that? This does not epitomise the true meaning of friendship, but instead, it proves how shallow some people can get. The end point of this incident is how to help the victim, not ultimately, who is to blame. Tired and dying of fatigue, we are humans and we do make mistakes. Furthermore, SSM is an avenue for us to learn. Being a HTM student yourself, all the more you should understand! I know that religion is a sacred subject. Ignorance cannot be used as an excuse. I accept our mistake but I hope we can move on. I truly regret I was unable to be at the scene to have been of any help, let alone lend moral support and mental strength.

What goes around, comes around.

Oh right, a big thank you to the following people for lending your support.

Mum, Dad, Daniel, Huaiying, Weichong, Chingyi, Jinlin, Vera, Rayner and many others.
And of course, not to forget my hardworking SSM team.

Here's another 50 facts as I promised.

51. I stare at people because I actually want to see who can make me smile.
52. I use my key to lock the door as my parents have to bend down if I throw the key in.
53. I like to leave little notes for my parents to read.
54. I am really very afraid I won't be able to find a partner.
55. I hate it when friends leave me out of their conversations.
56. I also hate it when my friends sit together on the bus and I sit alone.
57. I believe in fate and affinity.
58. I sit at the window seat in the bus on rainy days and pretend I am shooting an MV.
59. I dislike it when people criticize my appearance. I will be very self-conscious afterwards.
60. I like gadgets and IT stuff but I am not very pro at it.
61. I cannot study in groups.
62. I am quite proud of my ez-link card and matriculation card photo.
63. I find it cute that friends affectionately call me "pigmond".
64. I have very tiny handwriting but I find that neater.
65. I don't know why my friends say I have a non-existent behind.
66. I like how some people can brighten up my mood instantaneously.
67. I like to play with my dad's paunch. And tickle him.
68. I don't like DOTA, don't know why people are addicted to that stupid game.
69. I don't club,smoke or do drugs and I intend to keep it that way.
70. I have rather fast reactions as I once played goalkeeper for Pasir Ris East under-15s.
71. I don't like my eyebrows.
72. I get jealous very easily. As in seriously.
73. I criticize people very easily but often don't mean it.
74. I am heavily dependent on my parents.
75. I have a very short memory span.
76. I hope to learn to play the violin and drums.
77. I am a master procrastinator.
78. I feel indebted to my parents for everything they have done.
79. I think Pyro of the X-Men is very cool because he can shoot fire.
80. I like to sing when I'm alone but I can't really sing.
81. I like black, white and green.
82. I like the "headphones-hung-around-the-neck" look.
83. I dislike arrogant people.
84. I cannot stand slow people.
85. I hate to repeat myself when I have already explained clearly.
86. I initially wanted to join the Rugby team in TP.
87. I read the "Sports" section of newspapers first.
88. I think I am rather domineering but choose to believe otherwise.
89. I envy guys that can pull off the long hair look.
90. I want to have a dog.
91. I hate internal conflict because I don't like to take sides.
92. I look at people in a different light if they have done something impactful.
93. I like quiet corners, but please don't call me a matrep.
94. I will look back at old photos at reminisce. Yes, I am that sentimental.
95. I enjoy stayovers very much, although I am often the first one to sleep.
96. I can handle horror movies but gore is absolutely out.
97. I will never ever wear clothing that someone has criticized.
98. I am thankful for being born in Singapore and not China or Africa.
99. I am always very punctual. Unless there is a reason for me to be late.
100. I like it when people praise me, so I try to do it more often too.

(delayed)
Tuesday was National Day. Reminiscent of my good old days when I used my old email address of trueblue_singaporean@hotmail.com. This year's National Day really have no atmosphere. All I was looking forward to was for someone to call me so that I could go out. In the morning, classmates went karaoke but since I was still suffering from a serious cough and persistent sore throat that has not subsided till today, I decided to give that a miss. In the evening, I met up with daniel, yiinshin, zhiqi, chingyi and weiling for dinner at Chomp Chomp. In the end, I think I worsened my ailments by feasting on stingray, chicken wings, satay, oyster omelette and other heaty food. Serves me right I think. Right after, we headed to Selegie's @Kovan for beancurd. Met Esther there. The journey on the bus with daniel was unexpectedly awkward. I think we have shared so much already and also, through the use of mass media(blog stalking), this has resulted in there being no topic to converse.(I really cannot think of the reason why)

Wednesday was Sherri's birthday. As I have already dedicated one entire post to her, I shall not write anything more on her birthday. 3 surprises in one day. Lucky girl. In the morning, we met up earlier to write on her card and also Mr Png's(whom I shall call Gevin from now on). Nowadays, we don't use anymore massive birthday boards nor birthday cards, but instead, we now use birthday paper. Budget already, because economy no good. Look at his happy face #likeakid

Thursday was nothing much, went for hockey training for the first time in 2 months I think. Came back with a sore back. Must be getting old. Friday too, boring day. Only highlight was the morning, when we headed throughout School of Business to put up "Wanted" posters. To promote our project event on Monday, that is. Saturday was another tiring day. Met up with mingfong, tingxu, wesley and sinpong for some basketball before feasting on noodles and chicken wings at 85. Had fun making fun of sinpong and the topic of Marlboro Life came up again. Okay I shall continue on another 50 facts because I am getting bored now, if you aren't.

Happy Birthday Sherri-Anne!(aka dwaeji sundaenim)

Better known as Sherri, this "monster" has been a constant menace to me and many others throughout our polytechnic education. The bruises and never-ending scratch marks, not to mention the rotting forearms of mine are her works of art. From the picture above, we can clearly infer the domineering presence she has on her peers. And what is most surprising is that she measures up only at 157.5 centimetres. However, school would not be so fun without her.

Alright serious already. Sherri ah, 18 years old already leh. Not young anymore. Must start to grow up and not cause so much physical hurt to those around you anymore. All the best for your education in TP and it was really awesome knowing you! Just one last parting statement from me: "What really matters is not the height, but what is at the peak of that height."

P.S: I shall start working on my truce, and I hope you will too. My healing abilities have really diminished throughout the years.

Soo-ger-loaf!

Another tiring day of operations at Sugarloaf today. On the bus, I kept dozing off. Constantly assured myself that I will plonk on my bed and sleep right after my bath. But as usual, that did not happen. Again. I bathed and here I am, propped up in front of my computer. Can't believe that 15 weeks have just flown by, and we are down to our final week of operations before we awake from this nightmare of waking up at 5.30am on a Monday dawn. Talk about Monday blues, exaggerated 10 times. Tomorrow is National Day, but I don't feel the 气氛 yet, because there has been no rendition of any National Day songs on TV or radio. Or to be exact, I don't listen to the radio at all, so even if there was, I wouldn't have caught it. Maybe they were trying to cover up the embarrassment of the Lady Gaga Bad Romance song rip-off saga.

Today during pre-operation, Mr G(I initial their names because this vain and egoistic people will google their names just to see how popular they are. Just kidding) was so infuriated at Jeremy being the only one that did not complete the P&S evaluation that he smashed a side plate. I think he himself was stunned as his original intention was only to ram the napkins onto the table but his bulging muscles thought otherwise. He must be thinking: " I certainly did not mean to do that..but owells, I shall just maintain a straight face to show this people I mean business." Today's ice cream boy( young okay!) sold 20 single scoops and 5 double scoops! *applauds* I think I owe this feat to those loyal supporters of mine who were there actually to see me, but bought ice cream from me as an excuse. I think that statement was a little over the line but what has been said shall remain.

Shall digress a little here. Went to visit grandma yesterday. My heart sank a little when she saw me and asked, "Who are you?" The senile dementia is really kicking in huh? And when I asked her to differentiate yellow and white, she said they were the same. The failing eyesight of hers also worries me. Made me think of my own future, whether my eyesight will fail me when I need it most. At this juncture, I will start to regret all those harmful activities I had done to cause my eyes adverse effects rather than protecting them.

Do what you think is right today, rather than try to amend things tomorrow.

50 Truths About Myself

I wanted to do 100 but here's 50 first.
In no particular order, here goes:


1. I hate being alone, although occasionally I really do.
2. I wake up every morning expecting messages but I normally do not receive any.
3. I love basketball and soccer, if you don't already know.
4. I don't have a BEST friend. Because I cannot predict if he/she will leave me.
5. I open up to others easily, if you know the right methods.
6. I never take breakfast, unless being forced to.
7. I like the Mini Cooper, although people say it's does not suit me.
8. I like plain things.(eg. plain biscuits, plain rice, plain t-shirts, plain colours without designs)
9. I hate going to the gym, I have inferiority complex when I see those well-toned bodies.
10. The first thing I look for in a girl are her eyes.
11. My ideal perfect height is 185cm. Don't judge me.
12. I love Mcdonald's. Enough said.
13. I really don't get angry easily. Seriously.
14. When I dislike a person, everything he/she does irritates me. But I don't hate.
15. I dislike strategy games like DOTA because I suck at them
16. I have a fetish for girls with hairbands. Don't ask me why.
17. I fall sick rather easily. I caught a cold just by entering the LT on Friday.
18. I injure myself pretty easily too.
19. I hate seeing friends being sad or emotional and can do nothing about it.
20. I sleep with 5 pillows. This is not being greedy, it's called enjoying life.
21. I appear fierce and "dao" but am actually easy-going. I think.
22. I embrace the Korean pop wave because English songs are deteriorating.
23. I like to irritate my close friends. I have no idea why.
24. I aspired to be a model/air steward.
25. I always have insufficient pocket money. Must.Stop.Eating.
26. Sometimes, I will sit and just stone for a long time.
27. I dislike fizzy carbonated drinks.
28. I absolutely love chicken rice.
29. I always wear jeans because I have been told I make bermudas look short.
30. Many of my primary and secondary schoolmates do not recognise me.
31. I have never been drunk. I hope to keep this trend.
32. My table and cupboard are forever messy.
33. I snack alot when I'm feeling down.
34. I am very mindful of how people view me. Very.
35. I used to sleep at 9.30pm during secondary school.
36. I dislike depending on others. They disappoint.
37. I want to migrate to Korea/Australia in future.
38. I love to laugh. Sometimes uncontrollably till tears fall.
39. I like people to smile at me. But no fake smiles please.
40. I have been told I look older than my older brother.
41. I wish to have healthier, nicer looking hair.
42. I always wanted to cook a proper meal for my parents.
43. I hate the company of strangers.
44. I will protect whatever and whoever is close to me with all my might.
45. I evaluate people very carefully and cherish them if they are true.
46. I always wanted to have a sister whom I can talk to.
47. I always have nightmares about my teeth falling off.
48. I dislike the practice of smoking.
49. I hate it when I am interrupted when talking.
50. I love long bus rides.

And here I am again to publish another post about my birthday. Say until like my birthday very big like that, must post two times. But this time, I really have to post because it was rather unforgettable. Why? Because even my favourite tutors Mr Png, Ms Koh and Ms Helwina took time off their busy schedules to celebrate it, although it was three days belated. And my loveable classmates took me by surprise, because I really thought we were celebrating an early one for Mr Gevin Png, which is on next Monday. Ms Koh and Ms Helwina, the two bffs, also turned up, although only for a little while.

  

 

 

 

 

 

And after that, we proceeded outside to get our cake fix, with everyone getting a bite or more. Messy, but that's what makes it fun right? And I received a handmade birthday wish "paper" from my classmates. Can't really call it a card cos it's not a card. Played badminton after that for my weekly sports dosage. Bathed and as a class(not everyone), we went to century square for snow ice. Got to know a little bit more about each other, in a heart-pounding way. Right, zhiqi? Even got sweaty palms didn't you?

Sidetrack: A big thank you to daniel, who made the effort to meet me for dinner at TM Texas Chicken on Tuesday even after downing 17 chicken midwings. The talk session was awesome, should have more of that.

Today, I planned to go for hockey training. But I fell sick. The weather was also to blame. One thing comes to mind at this moment: self-serving bias. I am always quick to blame someone else for mistakes but never myself. That's my weakness and must be changed. Stayed at Sugarloaf to chat with steph, zhiqi and chingyi. P.S: I put your names initilized in small font because it will seem very formal if I write in capital letters okay! Afterwhich, we followed steph to purchase her bracelet, and conveniently decided to catch Captain America. Wanted to buy nachos but since I was sick... It was rather boring at first but got interesting gradually. And chingyi wasted 5mins of my time because she said there was something after the credits but there weren't. After the movie, we chanced upon yiinshin, eric, shawn and darren. Sat at starbucks for awhile. Contemplated whether to buy any food when there was dinner at home. Decided against it and reflecting on that, I think I made the right choice, given the fact that I am sick and shouldn't gorge.

I don't like my close friends to fight.
It really puts us in a spot.
Please clear up your misunderstandings.
Life is too short to hate, so get on with it.