Don't you find it ironic? The education system is totally focused on money! For them it is, in this case. We pay for school fees when we don't even feel like going to school, for courses we take but are really forced to, school events which we don't actually give a damn for, and exams which we absolutely abhor. The last thing we actually need is to pay for appeals of our exam results, or what they call a review of the exam script. In secondary school and poly alike, we are paying $100+ for the examiners/markers to re-mark our papers. This is, to them, considered a contest of their dignity and trustworthiness. However, all we are asking is that we be allowed to "re-see" our exam scripts and discover errors in marking by ourselves. Along the way, we may even learn what we have done wrong. However, the current practice is that students are not even allowed to look at their scripts anymore, after having handed it in. Is this fair? Firstly, we would not even know if there were marking errors, or bias on the markers' part. And we are not even entitled to review our OWN scripts, instead we have to pay to do that. Doesn't that sound like a joke? For goodness sake, it's our own scripts and we have to pay? And it is no small sum by the way. Total mockery of the system nowadays. I should be the education minister one day. Don't forget to vote for me!

Are people able to access this blog by clicking on my profile? I guess so. But no one makes the effort to. I am very tired. But I can't get to sleep. I am actually working for the money. I really hate working. It's really tough. But I shall take it as a phase of life, and reap the rewards at the end. Go for it Raymond!!

Why do some people just have to act all emotional and sad on social networking sites? I find it quite an irony. Cause you are going on and on about how much of a loser or how "apathetic" you are, think again. Will an "emo" person really interact with his social circle in such a way? This is what I actually call a play for sympathy. You just want people to comfort you and say all those nice things so that you will feel better? I don't feel that's the case. You just want people to show you concern, out of nothing at all. That I feel, is totally cheap. No one wants to know how much of a loser you are. Cause we all already know.

What have I been doing to my life? Especially my poly life. Somehow I get the feeling that I have been letting go of opportunities and chances to improve my social life. All around, I see people tweeting and saying on facebook that they are having so much fun with their friends, yet what am I doing here? Cooped up at home, my only companion is my trusty laptop which I hope will not end up becoming "unworkable" like the desktop. If that happens, I really have no idea what I will do. My laptop has become my closest friend, the only avenue to the pathetic social life I have out there. Sometimes I wonder if my friends really treat me like a friend. Or am I just there to make up the numbers? Loneliness is soon becoming such an understatement. This feeling is horrible. But there's nothing I can do. But endlessly wait for that one person to understand. Just one.

Realm of loneliness day number: Uncountable.

Went to Novena today. It was boring. Three shopping malls. Zero entertainment. Except the food. The ddukbboki rice cakes or however you spell that at SeoulYummy at Square 2 was great. Or I should say exceptional. Man we bought kimchi and spiced anchovies. Good pairings with korean sticky rice. Now I am waiting for my mum to cook shredded chicken ramen. Salivating at the thought of it.

Coming to think of it. I just changed the "permissions" of this blog to "Everybody". Meaning everyone can read it. I just need someone caring enough to find out about this blog and ask if anything is wrong. But I highly doubt so. Because I did not include my name. So even if you read this blog, do leave a comment in the comment box. I would highly appreciate it.

Why am I even bottling everything up? I am not as hardy as everyone thinks I am. Sometimes I really feel like letting it all out. All along, I am having a mask on. Nobody ever asks or even gives a damn. No one knows me well enough. Absolutely no one. And I guess no one even cares to try. All I want is one true friend whom I can depend on. I once had. But what she did, I will never be able to forgive her totally. Whenever people see me sitting alone, they will never approach me to ask what is wrong. And that is painful. But I don't blame them.

Birthdays are another source of hurt. Whenever birthdays come about, I feel a sense of pain deep inside. When I see people receiving presents, deep down inside it really hurts. Call me materialistic all you want, but the truth is that I just want something usable to remember that day by. A birthday card is hardly portable. I may seem ungrateful of sorts but somehow it really feels like my birthday was somehow considered "cheap" and relatively unimportant. And believe me, it really hurts like crazy.

Time passed so fast but I didn't realise. School is already 4 months long gone. This feeling is indescribable. I have been getting weird dreams all this time. Dreams of sitting for a paper unprepared. Dreams of being suspended in between two worlds. No sense of belonging whatsoever. Life can be such a facade sometimes, full of emotions sometimes, but being dead silent at the same time. At this moment when I am supposed to be preparing for my 5 papers, I am stoning away. Sometimes I just ponder if the world would really end in 2012? Part of me hopes it will, but that's being so damn selfish and unthinkable. If the world really ends, what will be the feeling in the minds of people like me? Thoughts of regret and overflowing emotions I suppose. Cause we would have wasted almost all our lives away, forced into education, without the opportunity to utilize it. What does this mean? A lifetime of education, as in literally. But zero future. No chance of repaying our parents. No chance of carving out a career. Absolutely zero. Emotional thoughts? Not at all. Just deep thinking in progress. Why is this blog even locked in the first place? I can't remember. Is anyone even reading this? If you are, thank you so much. Cos you could be the only one. Missing links here and there. Memories of the past have rocked my mentality. I have no idea what I am actually writing. Someone said I have always done things on impulse. I can't help it but agree. At the same time, I can't change. Counting down to the supposed world destruction.

Farewell Lammy-san, the self-proclaimed travelling monkey!!
So sorry never go out much since you came back and in a flash,
you were gone like the wind. Have fun studying!!!
When you are returning again just inform us alright?
Now its back to the mundane poly life of projects and assignments again.
Whoever said poly was slack is a damn liar!!
Getting real sick of school now!!
2012 please come true.

Forced to lock this blog due to unforeseen circumstances of overexposure.
Be glad you get to read this crap.

That dreaded component is back. Public speaking. It has never been my forte! Write? Can. Speak? Can. Present? Err...Damn it! Counting down to presentation time: Less than 10 hours left. And although I have finished my scripting, I am not gonna read straight from it! Cos thats not presenting, that's recitation. Oh no! And speaking the truth, my heart was already popping out when I had to speak up in class. Seriously speaking, I think i have stage fright. I am afraid of meeting a mass audience, especially unintentionally grabbing everyone's attention. This brings me to my next point. I do not give up my seat on buses and MRTs mainly due to two reasons. Firstly, I think my legs have more fatigue than those old people. Seriously. Secondly, I do not want everyone to suddenly focus their attention on me! Its like unintentional attention grabbing! OMG! Just giving up my seat on public transport has even become an issue. Hahaha. What a joke. Ciao. Off to mug.

Group projects. Emphasize on the word "group". I HATE YOU FREELOADERS AND FUCKING SLACKERS!!! One member only turned up once throughout the entire project. And just yesterday, before the deadline today, she has the fucking mood to go have fun at USS!!! And just 1 hour before we submitted just now, she went MIA. Again! What the fuck are you thinking? Don't you have a fucking sense of responsibility? Other members may not have the heart to mark you down for peer evaluation. But trust me, I definitely have a cold heart of steel. A freeloader in one project is already too much to take. What about two others in another group project of 4 members? The stage deadline is this week. One member skipped the meeting due to CCA training. Can't you fucking think? So CCA is more important to you because you can just rely on us to finish up the work while you happily put your name on the report. How smart! So those dumb people like me will just quietly do the work and let you take the credit? No way! And another member has the cheek to tell me he has something urgent on and has to leave at 5pm. For your info, I stayed in the library till 9pm. And I really thought he had something on. Until I saw him sitting outside the library chatting with his friends. When we messaged him, he just ignored the message till 9pm, which is also the time the library closed. And his lame excuse? "Oh sorry, I didn't check my phone. Yeah?" I am speechless. No fucking sense of responsibility whatsoever. Be warned.

Why do i suddenly feel this urge to start blogging again? Because facebook, as we all know, is a social networking site. And that, I feel, is too public a thing. Therefore, upon telling everyone out there that I had closed down this blog, I "stealthily" start anew. Firstly, I feel that life is seriously unfair. I am sorry to start this new chapter in such a negative state but there is no point ranting if you are happy with your life, isn't it? What is friendship? Don't come bull-shitting to me that is is a relationship that can last forever...best friends forever...blah blah blah...boringgg.... to me, friendship is only true when nothing matters in your mind anymore. And for this, I do not mean going crazy, or committing suicide. What I really mean is that for those people out there who can claim to be your friends, and say that they have been done an injustice just because of minor events. I think they are really fucked up in their mind. Like you said, a game IS A GAME. What's fucking wrong with a little taunting here and there? That's what friends are for, isn't it. Teasing and laughing goes a long way in improving a relationship, if you take it the right way. If you end up misinterpreting my intentions, and get heated up over such things, I am sorry but I just have to say FUCK YOU!!! Ranting on your blog and silently praying that we will get to read the crap that you write? You are being such a loser. So what if your blog has more hits than mine? I DON"T CARE even if no one reads what I write. They may be crap to you, but if you get the underlying message, you must be a genius. So ranting is okay, is it? You cause people to all believe your innocence and make us out to be the baddies? Boo Hoo Hoo!! You just got fucked up by baddies? Cry to your mama, if that's what you want. That's how the Earth revolves you fucking loser. And don't expect sympathy from me, cause you don't fucking deserve it. Us getting out of your life is what you want. And fucking get out of it I will be glad to. No questions asked. Period.