To our dearest Korra

We went into this with the notion of adopting a small and low-energy dog. However, our expectations were dumped out the window the moment we set our eyes upon you. Sweet, amicable and extremely 'lick-y', we fell head over heels with you and were determined to make this work, despite our initial reservations. As a precaution, we even made a total of 4 trips down to the kennel to interact with other dogs like Tortilla, Kristoff and Pork Chop. You know, just to keep our options open. 

We were so excited at your impending arrival that we spent more than $500 on pet accessories and food, even almost getting scammed in the process. In the lead-up to the commencement of your homestay, we were absolutely stoked to welcome you and start our journey as first-time pawrents. 

When you came to us, you were a little shy and took awhile to warm up, a complete contrast to how friendly you were at The Animal Lodge (TAL). Imagine our happiness when you started eating, drinking and pooping normally from the second day onwards. We were thinking, "Korra must be adapting well!".

Our walks at TAL were short-lived, because one time you were gagging from the heat, another because it was raining. However, we were told that you walk well on a leash. Which was indeed the case when we got to walk you. 

We got Xavian to conduct a home-based training for us, which worked wonders because we could never have gotten you to overcome your fear of the door/pet gate area if we didn't engage him. On just our second day with us, you were already comfortable enough to lie with us on our bedroom floor! 

You were starting to show some of your "notti" sides, including ripping newspapers/pee pads, placing rugs in your water bowl. To be honest, you caused us a great deal of stress especially on the 2nd night. We were kept awake till 4am because we could hear you crying and walking about in the wee hours of the morning. Undeterred, we started to love you little by little more as you grew more "manja", following us everywhere we went (except the kitchen) and always wanting to be by our side. I still remember having to slowly push my chair backwards because your paws were directly behind the castors while you were sleeping. There were times your playful nature kicked in and you were ready to bite anyone that tried to snatch your toys. The way you played your toys reminded me of a wolf trying to behead a wild chicken and that was indeed alarming. But we understand that this is just your primal instincts at play. 

Most of the time, you are just a sweet, sweet girl. There's really no denying that. We really love the way you fall asleep on the floor, or lay your head upon our legs, begging for scratches (You are one itchy dog, I must admit!).

However, it's not always rainbows and unicorns. Ever since you started living with us, I was constantly worrying. About whether you were alright, sleeping outside in the living room on your own. About whether you were destroying things as an act of rebellion. Whether you had peed/poo-ed at places where you were not supposed to. Whether you were gonna be super "pull-y" on the leash. I have to admit that I have never experienced such unprecedented levels of anxiety before in my life. I know these are to be expected during this acclimatization period, but yet, the tiniest sound is enough to jolt me awake in the middle of the night. It's not your fault. We know that we pulled you from a familiar environment, and "forced" you to come live with us. It is normal to miss your friends. It is normal to miss your favourite bangla worker back at TAL who feeds you and brings you treats. It is normal to be apprehensive of these new humans whom you have only known for such a short time. 

On certain walks, you were scared. And I meant absolutely terrified. Especially at kids running by and cyclists zooming by. With your tail hidden between your hind legs, you pulled on the leash with herculean strength. When this happened a few more times, I started to question if you are safe enough for us. I know that you are doing this because you are scared out of your wits, but slowly, I found it frustrating when I couldn't calm you down. I saw the way my dad struggle to control you when you were in one of those moods. I started to wonder if you could cause my mum/dad to fall when they walk you. On one hand, I wanted to comfort you and tell you that everything is going to be okay. On the other hand, I was afraid that your sudden outbursts could cause harm to yourself and my parents. 

Last weekend, we made the difficult decision to extend the homestay. We had thought that given time, we would be able to sort out our thinking to find a resolution. But we knew deep down that the problem doesn't lie with you. It was us all along. In addition to the constant anxiety, we had failed to consider the long-term freedom loss and also what arrangements we had to make, should we be unable to care for you for extended periods of time e.g. our honeymoon or maternity period. After several tear-filled talks, we then decided not to proceed with your adoption. Trust me, this was never an easy decision to make. 

We felt that this was the most logical and rational decision, and ultimately avoided making an emotional one. We wanted to be responsible, and not forsake you in time to come when issues start to arise. We knew that it was going to be painful, but this was the best outcome we could create. 

In your last two days, it probably felt like a dream for you. Meals came in extra large servings, playtime was always extraordinarily long and treats were dispensed as if it was Christmas. Honestly, we wanted to assuage our guilt for putting you through the imminent heartbreak. But it can never hide how guilty we felt, and still do. 

We hope you enjoyed your last morning walk with us. It was especially longer than the usual 15mins, because we couldn't bear for it to end. Looking back, it hurts so much seeing how happy you were, because we know that's a sight we will never witness ever again. 

When Fan Zhe came to pick you up yesterday morning, I was still holding strong. But when I saw how scared you were, I started to break down inside. I knew you were absolutely scared, and looking towards me for protection. This time, you peed not out of excitement, but from fear. When I came to put the slip leash around your neck, you probably thought that this was just another walk, and obediently followed me out the door. In the lift, you even laid on the floor as usual. But when we reached the ground floor, I passed the leash back to Fan Zhe. This time I could tell that you knew something was amiss. You started to tremble, and tried to pull away. When Fan Zhe carried you and put you in the crate, my heart broke into a million tiny pieces. It was then that it hit me and I realized that this was all happening. 

As we made our way back home, my mind was in a whirl. All I could think about was how we had betrayed your trust. And this will forever be my regret. I'm sorry, Korra. I'm sorry for destroying your dream of the perfect forever home. I'm sorry for promising you so much yet taking it all away. I'm sorry for making you trust me unconditionally and then betraying you like this. I'm sorry for closing our door at night and confining you to the playpen with nothing more than a rug. I'm sorry for blaming you for pulling the leash while you were scared. I'm sorry for denying you water in the afternoon for fear that you might pee in the house. I'm sorry for locking you up in the playpen while we were having our meals. I'm sorry for cutting your nails and accidentally hurting you. I'm sorry for disturbing you whenever I was bored. I'm sorry for making you feel uncomfortable every time I cleaned your paws. I'm sorry for making you wait for food when I'm guilty of the same. I'm sorry for pushing you away just because you were jumping excitedly. I'm sorry for allowing you to get bitten at the dog park. Most importantly, I'm sorry for not thinking this through enough, and putting you through this pain. 

Thank you for bringing us so much joy these 2 weeks. You taught us that being a dog lover does not necessarily mean that you can be a dog owner. We really hope that someone else will be able to give you the love that you deserve. Because you are the sweetest girl that anyone can ever ask for. I will forever be missing you. 

Be well, Korra. We love you. 💔