You know how they always say that you will definitely become more mature when you go through National Service, like how the pride and passion of serving your nation rubs off on you and you become a better man? I mean I can't doubt that because I guess I learnt to talk less and probably listen more, as I discover that the ones that are perpetually silent are actually the ones who think the most. I mean, who doesn't like to speak? It's like a endeavour to make your thoughts heard as you tussle over who's the most vocal in a group. Anyway, I'm digressing here.

What I am trying to say is that however much I want my National Service experience to be fulfilling and totally worth that two year disadvantage it puts me at, I am seriously finding it hard to regard it so. The gradual complication of things, which makes a matter seem more complicated than it actually is. The incessant need to scavenge for a prominent scapegoat and not an actual solution when a problem surfaces. The over-dependence and abuse of the rank structure. The inability to place individuals in their fields of flair. The incompetence of the leader at the fore and his lackeys who serve only to his ridiculous wants. I can go on forever. 

Why go into the wee hours discussing a report when it can be done within office hours? Why fight so hard to reduce the punishment for a serviceman when he is just going to disappoint you again? Why put your neck onto the chopping block when the first scapegoat they find would be yourself? Why expend so much effort when they focus more on structure and results rather than plain logic? Trying so hard to look nice on paper as compared to effectiveness and productivity. The flaw is omnipresent. Yet the ones who can make a difference are resisting the need for change just because the previous methods are "tried and tested". The obvious cowards are the ones we rever due to their dubious climb to prominence.

However much I try, I am effectively not a long-stayer. I will do my part and leave. I won't even bother leaving a legacy, not because I can't, but because it's not worth it. I will look back at my NS experience and lament what could have been. The fact stays clear that the various accolades and achievements count for naught with incompetent chiefs at the fore, and the obvious actuality that we are simply not battle-tested. 

Friends. How valued yet fragile. Back then, we never thought that a friendship could end just like that. And no, it wasn't a happy break. However much we promised it would not be, it happened due to money. Somewhat. The gall to accuse us of backstabbing her when we were the ones whom she could rely on the most. We were accepting of her, for who she is. But she chose the road of no return. The friendship was meant to be mutual, yet she does not regard us so. True enough, she has her other circles of friends. True enough, she has her cousins for support. But I can safely say that no one will ever sacrifice for her as much as we do, or go the lengths we were prepared to go. We treated her well, and she chose to forsake our friendship. We were the ones who understood her predicament, could comprehend her actions, and accept her erratic eccentric behaviour. Her bad habits, her incessant traits, we overlooked them. And yet, she did not reciprocate. I am speechless. I truly am.